Black Ghost

Thanks so much for all the feedback. :D I'm in the process of rewriting the prologue and working on finishing the first draft, so I'll keep in mind everything that ...

This was pretty good. It all seemed to come together well, like it was actually something out of the books. Well done! -Tony

Plot wise, this is a big improvement!

Thanks so much for the critiques, guys! I'm definately going to rewrite this in the future, and possibly change the ending, so I'll be sure to keep in mind what ...

Yeah, I agree, don't give up on it. Criticism shouldn't cause you to give up. And if you're better at comedic pieces, turn it into one, like Imp said. If ...

Eating him? No, that wasn't what I wasn't going for. I woudn't want to to be that morbid. The ending was supposed to imply that they were getting rid of ...

Oops, thanks for catching that. I wouldn't want my characters randomly changing ages in the middle of a scene. :? And yes, I have read The Giver (who hasn't?) and ...

Alright, I went ahead and changed the age to twelve. I hope that makes the vocab more believable :) -Tony

Thanks, guys! I'm glad you all liked it. I fixed the typos, and I'll be sure to see what I can do about how he thinks since he's only seven. ...

Great series. I loved it. Not much else I can think of saying.

Oh, thanks for the comments, and her name isn't M.I Polly :lol: . It was my fault for not making it clear that M.I was the engraving, so I fixed ...

Part Three “Help my daughter,” breathed Crystal, on her knees. “Stand, my child,” said Coventina, hovering a few inches above the ground near Crystal. “My services are yours.” Trembling, C

Part Two Not too far off, maybe a half a mile away, there was a ranger’s station. Crystal had been there on one occasion last winter with Jerry when they ...

Thanks again for all your comments! JCobsesed: Thanks for catching my insane usage of her name. While I was editing I made sure to cut down on that and now ...

Thanks for the comments, Sam! I knew something seemed off about my dialogue, and I think you nailed it with the child-syndrom thing. And after reading over it several times ...